Two Weeks

Two weeks from today, at this time, I will be in my room at the hospital.  The surgery will be over, I will be out of the recovery room and in a regular room.  All this built up tension and fear about the actual operation will be over, the surgery will have happened and recovery will be starting.  

In many ways I am looking forward to the recovery.  This time I may actually be recovering, on my way to better days.  Unlike the past procedures, pills and physical therapy I may find lasting relief.  I was given an 85% chance (or better) of feeling 85% better(or more).  Instead of having to take painkillers to get through the days I will have a dull back ache. There may be times it flares up throughout my life and I am off my feet for a few days.  And I must always remember surgery or not I don’t have a good back.  I think my odds are even better than they gave me.  I intend to be very proactive about caring for my back.  With a fusion there is always a chance you will wear out the disks above or below and have to go back for another fusion. (Not below in my case as there is no more disk below S1) One doctor said he could get me, at least, a good 20 years before I would need another.  My current doctor said as long as I stay healthy, stay away from a career of heavy lifting, maintain a healthy weight and build my core I should be able to avoid another surgery.  The way I see it, my structure gave out on me this time do to genetics and I can keep the rest of my spine healthy with a little hard work and dedication. That is my plan.  

I would be lying if I didn’t say I am slightly worried about the genetics and the health of the rest of my back.  I do have some arthritis in my upper back and pain moving upwards but my doctor assures me the pain is from the stress of my lower back and the muscles compensating (or something like that). 

In many ways I fear the recovery more than the surgery.  My children are the loves of my life, it pains me in ways I cannot put into words, that I will not be able to do it all for them if even for a moment.  It is for this exact reason I am also having the surgery done. Our youngest are very young, 1 and 2 years old and our soon to be 12 year old son will all have a broken mom for awhile.  For at least 12 weeks I will not be able to lift more than a gallon of milk, both the little ones weigh more than a gallon of milk.  It is not so much the lifting more the bending and twisting and chasing that is needed with them right now, which I won’t be able to do either.  For the first week I will be in the hospital and the second week post op I will be at my moms.  The kids will come visit but it will be hard on us all especially because my baby boy is very attached to me and very very apprehensive (understatement) of any one other than his parents.  My wonderful family is all going to rally together to help and this brings me some much needed peace but I can't help but worry for the days ahead.  Ahh there is so much, I could write for a week about it all!  But I also only have two weeks to get a LOT done so I must get to getting it done.

Oh I should add I am nervous about the pain post op, a little, not too much, I am a champion at pain!

                                               Me and the little ones!

Backstory

Currently my back is 30 years old. For the first 20 years of my life my back treated me well. It was in my early 20's that it began turn against me. It started off slow just nagging and annoying me, but I was always able to hush it up with some over the counter anti-inflammatory (Thank you Ibuprofen I miss you but you ate my stomach and I can't be your friend anymore.) Then my back decided it would not be hushed so easy...still I ignored it. Then one day I was walking from class pushed open a door and was paralyzed in pain.  Pain shot from my lower back throughout my whole body. I was so scared I wasn't sure what to do. Should I scream for help? Well I didn't.  I recollect my self and inch by inch I forced my body to my car it was a long time getting there. Long because each step was excruciating, my car was not far at all.  A few times I didn't think I was going to make it but I am a very strong person mentally and I am excellent at mind over matter and I made it.  Once safe in my car I freaked out again ... what the hell was happening to me.  My back won this time I took it to the doctor and so began my journey with useless doctors and their useless advice and their useless pain pills. A ten year journey that has lead me to my current doctor, who is the first real doctor that has helped me.
Back to my story.  I went to the doctor and she told me I most likely pulled a muscle.  I thought wow maybe I can't handle pain as well as I thought.  She gave me muscle relaxers and sent me on my way.  After a day I could not walk at all.  My friend drove me back to the doctor and carried me in.  The doctor ordered MRIs.  She said "you are too young to have disk problems but your symptoms say otherwise, I am sure it is just a pulled muscle." WRONG MRI's show herniated disks and more.  Pain killers, steroids and a few days later back on my feet all is well... or so I thought.
I will fill in more backstory later for now I am going to lay on my heating pad.

Quick intro...more to come

Hello. For ten years I have suffered with back problems.  In just about two weeks I will be having a spinal fusion at two levels and two laminectomys.  I am scared and excited sad and nervous...nervous.  I am a mother of three a 1year old, 2year old and 12 year old.  I will be depending on my family to help with the children during my recovery.  What is it that lead me to start a blog at 2am in the morning documenting my journey?  The fact that I could not find someone else's journey through this surgery, recovery and life after recovery.  I find horror stories. People say those who had the surgery and things went well moved on with their lives and don't spend time writing about it because they are busy living.  I want to be the later...but I want to document my own story , my own recovery and at least some of the good to come.  I have to believe this surgery is going to bring LOTS of good or I would not do it to my family or myself.

I am so tired finally!(My pain pills keep me up till the wee hours and my babes wake me up bright and early!) So for now I will go catch those most precious z's!
KDZ4FJVUMQ6Y