Two Weeks

Two weeks from today, at this time, I will be in my room at the hospital.  The surgery will be over, I will be out of the recovery room and in a regular room.  All this built up tension and fear about the actual operation will be over, the surgery will have happened and recovery will be starting.  

In many ways I am looking forward to the recovery.  This time I may actually be recovering, on my way to better days.  Unlike the past procedures, pills and physical therapy I may find lasting relief.  I was given an 85% chance (or better) of feeling 85% better(or more).  Instead of having to take painkillers to get through the days I will have a dull back ache. There may be times it flares up throughout my life and I am off my feet for a few days.  And I must always remember surgery or not I don’t have a good back.  I think my odds are even better than they gave me.  I intend to be very proactive about caring for my back.  With a fusion there is always a chance you will wear out the disks above or below and have to go back for another fusion. (Not below in my case as there is no more disk below S1) One doctor said he could get me, at least, a good 20 years before I would need another.  My current doctor said as long as I stay healthy, stay away from a career of heavy lifting, maintain a healthy weight and build my core I should be able to avoid another surgery.  The way I see it, my structure gave out on me this time do to genetics and I can keep the rest of my spine healthy with a little hard work and dedication. That is my plan.  

I would be lying if I didn’t say I am slightly worried about the genetics and the health of the rest of my back.  I do have some arthritis in my upper back and pain moving upwards but my doctor assures me the pain is from the stress of my lower back and the muscles compensating (or something like that). 

In many ways I fear the recovery more than the surgery.  My children are the loves of my life, it pains me in ways I cannot put into words, that I will not be able to do it all for them if even for a moment.  It is for this exact reason I am also having the surgery done. Our youngest are very young, 1 and 2 years old and our soon to be 12 year old son will all have a broken mom for awhile.  For at least 12 weeks I will not be able to lift more than a gallon of milk, both the little ones weigh more than a gallon of milk.  It is not so much the lifting more the bending and twisting and chasing that is needed with them right now, which I won’t be able to do either.  For the first week I will be in the hospital and the second week post op I will be at my moms.  The kids will come visit but it will be hard on us all especially because my baby boy is very attached to me and very very apprehensive (understatement) of any one other than his parents.  My wonderful family is all going to rally together to help and this brings me some much needed peace but I can't help but worry for the days ahead.  Ahh there is so much, I could write for a week about it all!  But I also only have two weeks to get a LOT done so I must get to getting it done.

Oh I should add I am nervous about the pain post op, a little, not too much, I am a champion at pain!

                                               Me and the little ones!