Go to Bed, NOW!

To be completely honest with myself I am not resting enough.  In order for my body to heal I need to get the right amounts of sleep and rest so new healthy cells can form and my body can begin to mend itself and new bone can form.

There are a few reasons I am not getting enough z’s.  One: my pain meds have a side effect of keeping me awake.  Two: I am not laying down when I know I should.  When my body says “Hey, I am tired lets go lay down for a bit”, I must admit I ignore it.  I want to keep doing things or stay close to the kids just to watch them discover or listen to their funny stories.  Three: Sometimes I want to go get some unnecessary errands done.  Four: I want to visit with the company that has come to help and feel guilty as I watch them clean my house. (Thank you!!!!!)

The thing is before my surgery I was always able to just keep pushing myself, it was a way of life.  So I need to make a new way of life, which is always hard to do.

As for how I am doing as far as healing - I think pretty good.  I am not in as much pain, as long as I stay on top of the meds.  I am a thousand times better than last week.  I am able to move myself around my bed without all the moaning and wincing.  The headaches are totally gone.  I still wake in the middle of the night a few times in major pain and need to take my pain and sleeping meds. 

I want to make a full recovery and that is why I am being honest with myself about the resting part.  I am going to schedule rest time just like I schedule my walks.  I only have this one chance to heal and I need it to work.  So those of you in charge keep yelling at me to get in bed!!!

You look Human!

Today I had my first official post op appointment with my doctor.  He said and I quote 

“You look human!”.  He was very happy with my progress so far and apologized that I had to suffer so much in the beginning.  He wants me to continue my walks and he wants me to continue to take care of myself and let others care for me.

My mother and husband were concerned that I was doing too much. Of course my mom brought that up to the doctor.  He said in a way they were right and in a way I was.  My husband and mom thought I should be taking my 3 walks a day and spending the rest in bed.  I take my 3 walks a day but do not spend the rest of the day in bed.  I spend some time in the bed but I mosey around the house and yard watching my little angels play and discover.  I do some school with them and steal hugs and kisses left and right! And maybe I boss my husband around a little too much...it is hard just being able to watch! ....I am sorry!

Doc said I need to find a happy medium between the two. That I did just have spinal fusion 13 days ago and I need to spend a little less time on my feet but by no means need to be in bed the whole day.  So that is what I will do!  Today my sister-in-law came and played with the kids and I did spend quite a bit of time sleeping!  I was up and about too much yesterday and my body was telling me to take it easy I didn’t listen yesterday, but today I did.  My body said “hey, go lay down I am tired and I need rest to heal.”  So I put my head to my pillow and my little hearts in the hands of my sis-in -law and got some good rest.

The Hospital

The morning we left I was calmer than I thought I would be.  We finished packing I took my shower with my special soap and headed out the door after a million and one kisses between my daughter and myself!  Kissed my mom and headed out.

When we arrived the nerves set in.  There was nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room testing this and that.  Then I was put in my gown and rolled to the “waiting area.”  When my doctor arrived we said our hellos went over a few things and the anesthesiologist gave me my IV.  I had tears in my eyes and kissed my husband goodbye.  Then just like that I woke up in the recovery room.  I was crying in pain while they flipped me all over the bed doing x-rays.  It was scary because I woke up to what felt like chaos or the specimen of an alien experiment.

I was then rolled up into my room where my husband was fast asleep waiting for me.  I don’t think he was too nervous as he was so out of it he didn’t even wake up when the nurses and doctors rolled me in!  One nurse said “wow we didn’t even put him out!”  That’s my man...he is an excellent sleeper.

The whole hospital stay is somewhat a blur.  I was heavily medicated and in and out of consciousness quite a bit.  The first night was nothing short of hell.  The pain meds they had me on were not lasting long enough and they were unwilling to give me more in fear they would kill me.  At one point I was crying and trembling in pain holding on to the side of the bed asking them to please give me anything even if it did kill me.  The pain was beyond painful, beyond words that could describe it.  In the morning my doctor came in my room, where I was lying in tears and jerking in pain he looked at me and said “this is not right we cannot let her be this way.”  He ordered something stronger than morphine, I can’t remember what its name is, they put it in my IV and relief came.  It left quickly and so began the game of trying to keep me from falling to the lowest lows of pain.  It was a game that went on almost the whole time I was there.  I gave birth to my children without the use of pain medication and I  thought that was the worst pain I had and would ever be through.  Giving birth was cake compared to this.

On the plus side my family and friends came and visited 24 hours a day and cared for me through all the ruff patches.  I had nurses that were just amazing.  My OT was wonderful and so was my PT.  Everyone was great and everyone was trying their damnedest to help me get better.  My doctor apologized for the trouble I had and the pain I was in but how could he have foreseen that.  He eventually got my pain under control and relieved me of my headaches. Now I am healing!!!!!!! Healing not just taking meds to cover the pain.  I am on meds to help with the pain as I heal and that is is huge difference!

Not home Yet!

Well I just wanted to stop in and say I wasn't released from my mom's as planned yesterday.  Hoping for today!  I did spend some wonderful time with my children for the bigger part of my day so all was not a loss.
Later today I will be posting some great gory pictures! And my recollection of the hospital stay and surgery! Be sure to tune in! Also made it through another day without a headache!

I am Back!

It is me! First I want to say thank you to my beautiful mom for keeping up with this blog for me, but mostly for all that she has done for me and my family in the last two weeks.  

She has been quite amazing!  This has been far from easy for anyone involved and she has done above and beyond what a person is capable of doing.  My mom is there for me every step of the way caring for me 24 hours a day and more.  She is my hero and I am the luckiest and proudest person because I am able to call her my mom.  This will be a short stop in blogland because as you may have read I only gained my reading/writing skills back yesterday and with all the pills and discomfort I am still struggling right now.  

I didn’t have a single headache yesterday.  My improvement is nothing less than amazing.  I am stronger, more alert and slowly gaining my health back.

I am more than excited and happy for today I will return home to my husband and children.  I have visited with them everyday and even had my daughter for a sleep over! It has been so hard on them and they have been such troopers I am so proud of my little people.  But today is the day moms coming home!! (My mom is coming too of course!)  Thanks to everyone who has been there for me and my family we love and appreciate all that you have done and realize it is only the beginning!

Ups and Downs

Got the much needed answers to Bec's headaches. And as she said "headache" is way too mild of a term for them. Apparently they are caused by spine nerve inflamation. Or as the surgeon put it the nerves are "pissed off" at Becky for some reason. He prescribed steroids for them. It could take several days to taper off. How wonderful to have an answer! I think once they're gone Becky can better concentrate on a controlled recovery. They are just too much of a distraction. Also she will be able to read,,,,things like her blog! And maybe even type in a blog posting of her own! In the meantime I know she was looking for some feedback, comments on her blog and I told her people were definitely reading it but maybe now everyone could make a comment! It would be great for her to hear from everyone now!
Unfortunately after the surgeon's visit and a stop at home to have din din with the kiddos, she had a very rough night. She said the pain was as bad as it was the night after the surgery. So just as we thought she'd be making some progress, she has a setback. This morning however she hasn't had a headache as yet! yippee! This is huge, you have no idea! She said the headaches were piercing pain from her eyes all throught the center part of her head. (Imagine a horses mane.) Like knives stabbing and then the insult of twisting them. Lets hope we don't have to talk about them again!
It was fun to see her at her house, first time in one week. R cried when she left but it is definitely better Bec get the rest she needs here at mom's. We were thinking she'd go home in a few days, maybe this weekend but then when she had such a rough night last night I was so glad she was here.

Monday Monday

Called the surgeon first thing Monday morning since the headaches are unbearable. They were concerned and scheduled an apptmt back at the hospital to see the surgeon on Tuesday. Becky had a good Monday afternoon, talking to a good friend always helps! Thanks EC for your afternoon visit. (I am using initials now since Bec didn't think it was a good idea to name names on a blog)

Sunday

Day started out terrible. Bec was in so much pain with the headache and of course backache. but it's more than just the back. It's the hips, the but, the legs etc. We called the surgeon. He explained about the tylenol that was or wasn't in each of the meds. And how it could be affecting the headache. He limited her intake of tylenol because anything over 3000 mgs can cause liver damage. So after getting the meds in sync I think she had a better day. She did sleep alot and that always helps. She also ate some real food and some nachos for a snack. Not much but it's a start. Dinner time the kids arrived. It was a great reunion. Bec came down and ate with us and went on her short walk outside with the kiddies. Then it was back in bed and the kids went home with daddy. Nighty night.

Meds

Becky has been fighting severe headaches. So much so that she isn't able to open her eyes and cries in pain. We've still been trying the coffee, sometimes working sometimes not. We've been trying Tylenol again working some of the time but not as effective as the coffee. Then she had an idea for me to rush home and get her Vicadin. She recalls getting headaches pre surgery when she would take a break from them at home. So trusting ourselves that this would be ok and making a physicians decision she tried the Vicadin and I thought it seemed to help. She thought so too and then later in the day she decided they didn't help and went back on the Oxycoden. But again later in the evening she again said they did help. THis is part of the confusion from the medication. Sometimes she says something and then says she thought she dreamt it. Confused like when she was talking to Shawn on the phone from the hospital she told him she didn't have prostate cancer. Well we have to keep some humor in this story....leave it to Becky.

Bec's first full day out of the hospital

Saturday morning had me and Shawn hoppin'. We had now become the sole caregivers, no more nurses. I must admit it is a challenge at times. The medication messes with Becky's brain and her need for care is constant. Grandma Kaebisch arrived around 11 and bless her soul she was such a big help. From doing laundry to reading to Becky it was great to have her here. I just felt bad that she had to go up and down the stairs so much. By afternoon Becky had settled down. In the morn she had been stubborn and feisty and she went down the stairs a few times too many. We told her she has just one chance to make her back better and that we were all here to help and guide her to do the right thing. Most definitely going up and down the stairs was not the right thing but in her medicated mind she tredged on without concern over our cautions. I guess the good thing about it is that she WAS able to climb stairs just 4 days after surgery. She also demanded we drive her out to Hartford to see the kids. Then in the afternoon another boost of stubbornness and she went for a little walk down the sidewalk. Again this is great and I admire her determination but I think baby steps would have been preferable over giant steps. Midafternoon she had some company, Kayla, Char and Clancy. She was very hospitable and had a fun time. She was glad to make up from her visit with Char in the hospital that she slept thru! Becky did have one mishap and that was a trip on the area rug in our bedroom that she tripped on while no one was in the room with her. Luckily she had her walker and was able to catch herself but it wasn't comfortable to say the least. She's like a fragile little China doll. She can't be left alone. After some comforting naps she finally ate alittle late in the evening. After saying goodby to sister Ellie, Becky settled in her nest of pillows for what hopefully would be a peaceful sleep.

Friday night, 11 pm

We're home. But it wasn't an easy day. Everything was scheduled for release but then the Surgeon assistant Kristen found out Bec was having some internal problems and extreme headaches and ordered a catscan. She seemed very concerned and talked about spinal fluid leaks. The catscan was torture for Becky. I was allowed in but had to leave it was difficult to watch and nothing I could do to help. Then the long wait. The scan was sent to a different surgeon and he looked at them on his computer. They showed no leakage and everything was nice and tidy where it should be. After some some discussion the nurse thought maybe the headaches were from caffeine withdrawal but they seemed just too severe for that to me. But we got Becky an iced coffee and it wasn't long before the headache subsided. The headaches have returned since but we'll hope that she just needs a cup of joe. The other issue remains unresolved. They're hoping it will just get back to normal with time. But at least the fear of the spinal fluid leakage was gone and thank God since that would have meant going back into surgery.
The assistant was also concerned about the amount of meds Becky was taking. She said it was enough for a 300lb man. This has been the struggle the whole time, getting the right meds to work for her yet cutting down. Now that we're home, we have no choice but to tough it out. Toughing it out being an understatement.
So after some medication adjustments, physical therapy, lots of packing and hugs and goodbys we were in the car at 5:30, rush hour, heading home.
Becky settled in to her new rehab home, Majesa Hills. Kiddies are vacationing at the Hartford Azoffs. Ellie and Ben here to help, Ben making an emergency run for tylenol for the extreme headaches and Ellie doing the grocery shopping for Bec's special foods. Shawn and I were the nurses. We thought she was doing ok and really sustained the drive home but then had some really bad episodes of pain. I think it's just a matter of us getting a balance on the narcotics. Oxycotin and Oxycoden. Hoping for a better tomorrow.

Up and at 'em

Still mom writing posts. I'm thinking maybe tomorrow Becky will be able to write something. She had a good night and last trip to the bathroom she didn't even wake me up to help. Go BEC!! She has such determination. We took a picture a little bit ago. I want her to see it tho before I post it. Right now she's getting some good zzz's. Her body needs the sleeptime to repair those damaged cells etc. So things are looking up finally. We're waiting for a doctor visit to give the release orders. Could be here yet till the afternoon. Becky has been very "feisty" this morning, kind of like the day of the surgery. I told her she's like a grouchy old lady. I can handle it.

It's back!

Well the IV is back. Had two doses of the IV meds today, but they said the one at 7pm would be the last so she can go home tomorrow. She was pretty out of it tonight. Slept right thru Brian & Chars visit. Sleeping now. Good night.!

One step forward, One step back

Pain medication changed. Pain level a 9. yikes, can she have the I V meds back???

NO, not if she wants to go home tomorrow.

Good Night

Becky it's only the second night after surgery and even tho you don't realize it you have made some progress. Last night you slept in two hour intervals, an improvement over the 20 to 30 minute naps prior. We even took a walk in the wee hours of the night all the way to the nurses station and back. Best of all you went 4 hours without pain medication from 3am to 7am. Then at 7 you took the pills rather than the I V. Breakfast just arrived. I hope you eat something!

Wednesday Evening

I got to hospital around 3. Becky's Grandma was here sitting by her side. Becky's dad made a short visit. Theresa arrived around 6. It took the two of us and the nurses to take care of Becky this evening. Huge accomplishments, walking (with aid of walker), very short distance. bathroom visits, and brief (5 min.) of sitting in chair. All with the aide of oxycoden, oxycotton, valium, dyazapam, & delugted (sp?). The last one is the IV and the one that really helps her. She has been sleeping now for 30 minutes with 7 pillows strategically placed around and under her. God let this nightmare be over soon.

Surgery

Becky's surgery went well. It took just over 2 and 1/2 hours, shorter than we thought it would but longer than the surgeon thought it would. She was in her room by 1pm. Becky had a horrible day in pain. When I arrived I was surprised that she was talking non stop. Very edgy, very much in pain, definitely drugged up. I expected to see her drugged up and dozing off, sleeping, groggy etc. Just the opposite! Becky had an extremely painful night. Everyone is trying to get her calmed down.

the day after

Becky is not managing her pain. 3 reasons, one...not eating AT ALL, two.....she's been on so much pain medication prior to the surgery that she has built up a bit of a tolerance to the meds, and three....stress. Stress is the big one. She's been getting by on 3 to 4 hours of sleep for weeks prior to surgery, drinking buckets of coffee, and the anxiety of the surgery itself along with stress of life in general with a one year old, a two year old and a husband that works 12 hours a day. The nurses have been trying to calm her, trying different relaxation therapies. I brought her a calming cd to listen to, etc. Nothings working. I think she just wants her husband and her two little ones by her side.

the big day

Good morning, this is Becky's mom. After 4 cups of coffee and the little ones sound asleep and Derek off to school I can sit down and write. It's a rainy windy day, I say a perfect day for a surgery! Becky was in a good positive mood this morning. Rosalie was up to spend some time with her already when I got here around 4:30 am. I think leaving the kiddos is harder for Becky than the thought of the surgery. Brace and suitcase in hand, Becky and Shawn pulled out of the driveway around 5:15 am just alittle behind schedule. Becky called me many times on the way to the hospital going over last minute things that she felt she needed to get off her mind. At 7:35 Shawn called to say they were just separated and Bec was on her way into surgery. He said she was nervous, hmm I wonder why! Well I am writing alot of this for Becky so she can read and reflect and know just what was going on while she was "out". I took a picture of her heading out the door this morning but am not quite sure how to post it. Perhaps I'll brave it alittle later. So for now I'm off to get a tissue, I can't believe after all the anticipation, the big day is finally here! The day Becky can start her healing journey. God bless you Becky. I love you mega much.

The Trimmings!

 My brother-in-law painted my boring white brace a fiery mix of oranges...  

                                                 

 I  painted a phoenix on it!

then I added some spark

to her fire

With her wings wrapped tightly around me she will carry me out of the fire’s ashes while I listen to her sweet songs.  And when I am ready she will let go and I will fly freely.

My mom made me some walking sticks, they are so marvelous I actually can't wait to use them!

So bring on the fusion.  I am going to have the coolest trimmings in this town.

I thought it would be sweet to get a phoenix tattoo over or around my scar when it is all said and done.  I love what she symbolize and all of her legends. I also thought it would be funny to have a phoenix rising from the fire out of my ass.....

Who's Playing with the Panic Button?

Last week I was at peace with the decision to have surgery.  I was almost eager to get it done and be on my way to better.  I was comfortable with the plans for my family during the recovery and looking forward to some rest.  Then on Monday I opened an email from my lovely sister-in-law asking what time we needed her to watch the kids next week.  When I read “next week” I stopped breathing.  It made what was abstract into reality.  I couldn’t breathe or see straight.   I went outside and tried to collect myself. When I came in the house my husband asked if I was OK.  I started to cry and could not stop.  I really worried my little girl but I couldn’t stop.  I just kept hugging her and my son trying to not cry.  My husband told me everything is going to be OK even if we had to go right now, it would be fine everyone would be fine.  
Once I caught my breath I called my mom and she helped calm me down.  It wasn’t so much the surgery I was upset about.  It was my kids, it was everything - I am not sure I can put into words really what it was.  It was a meltdown. 
Then a few hours later I got another email from a wonderful person I met on Facebook who is about 5 weeks post op from a 3 level spinal fusion.  She said she is doing great. Her recovery has been great she feels better than she has in years!  I could feel her excitement, her joy of having her life back.  I could breathe again.  Just like that I was at peace with it as much as one could be.  

My mom said she was waiting for my breakdown and she will be here for the next one.  I have been working on getting all my ducks in a row for this surgery so I am busy busy and haven’t had time for one today! My next “to-do” is to finish my brace.  My awesome brother-in-law painted it a fiery mix of oranges and I am in the process of painting a phoenix on it...goal is to finish it tomorrow.