Update

So it has been a long time since I checked in here.
I know I wrote in here somewhere that often people start things like this and never finish them because they get better and go back to living. I wish I could say that was my truth and in some ways it is. Honestly my lack of updating the blog is because I was better enough for my help to leave and I needed to go back to my full time job, being CEO of the family.  When I am not being mom I am working on the Art Studio I run with my mom or working on completing pieces of art.  There is very little down time in my life so naturally the first things to be put to the side are the unnecessaries.  I am beginning to wonder if this little blog is a necessary for myself though.  I need a place I can look back and have a visual record of what I did and how it affected my back.  There has been many ups and many downs since I last visited the blog world and perhaps if I had kept up with the blog and been honest,  I wouldn't wonder why my back aches all day.
I do too much and I don't do enough PT. I need to find more time to take care of myself in order for this surgery to help.   I knew going into this from the very beginning that the surgery was not a cure all, it was a step, a big one, but if I wanted to get to the end of the tunnel I was going to have to commit myself.  I need to learn to stop and do my exercises, how to say no, how to let go. I want to do everything, I want to do it all for everyone, for myself, but in the end I am hurting myself. My back hurts all the time and I am still on lots of pain pills and still in pain.  I am not sure where I would say I am with things, maybe feeling like I did right before surgery, in a lot a pain enough to get my back ripped open, bone ground up and removed, bolts, screws and cages put in. I don't want to feel like this I want to feel better. I am getting back on track today, I am going clean up my act, get my exercises back in and stop doing things that highly aggravate my back.  Here I go on my way to better!

Slow Go, But it is Going!

Healing from back surgery is a very long and tiring process.  And I am only 3 weeks into it.  It is also almost (I say almost because my house is always jumping with something!) boring.  I get a lot (a lot by my standards) of “just me“ time laying in bed, reading and day dreaming or actually dreaming when I doze off.  Since my children were born “just me” time had seized to exist.  Even now as I am healing my children spend quite a bit of time in bed with me...in and out in and out...and I spend quite a bit of time going in and out of rooms checking in on them and who ever is here helping.  So even though my “me time” is really just an hour here or there, if all goes well it is more than I have had in quite sometime!  Point is I can’t do much of anything but read, daydream, think, play on the internet, watch movies or TV.  I like to do these things but get bored of them quickly.  There is so much I would rather be doing but am not able to do at this time because of the surgery and all the strict rules that come with the healing process.  The healing process that I am just now getting the hang of...I really hope it is not too late that I am just now getting the right amounts of rest, less stress, less trying to do things i shouldn’t, less breaking the rules “just this once”......  I wanted to follow the doctors orders to a T but even more listen to my own body.  I was determined to do everything just perfect and be perfect in the end for doing so.  Better late than never.  The last few days I have been bored in just the right amounts so I am back on track.  I forgot to take one of my many pain pills one day this week and the pain was horrendous!!!  It scared me right into my new way of boredom! There was also a scare this week that I was going to have to make it through a night without my pain meds because I forgot to call in on time to get my refill -thank my lucky stars I didn’t have to...I was near tears just thinking of the pain I would be in.  So heres to healing, cheers!