A Long Break ...but not in my Back!

I REALLY wanted to make this blog for the person out there searching for a recovery story from spinal fusion.  I apologize that I let such a big gap go between updates, to you, out there in the Internet land looking as I was night after night for someones record of their journey after their spine had been fused.
All is not lost because this is A LONG recovery.  So I am still in the midst of it and have much to tell you.  I had my 8 week post op appointment last week.  I am FUSING,  I AM GROWING NEW BONE!  This is excellent news the best I have heard since the surgery.  It means that much of what I feared is not happening.  I was so afraid to have the surgery and not have a good outcome.  I was given an 85% or more chance of feeling much better after the surgery.  That is a 15% chance of not feeling better or feeling worse.  That is a big chance to take but I did.   Don't get me wrong I still am in pain.  A lot of pain and I am on a lot of medications for the pain.  But my bone is fusing which means I may be out of this pain and off of the meds in the near future.
My doctor said the first two months are hell, the second 2 months are working your way out of hell and the last 2 months are getting back to where I was prior to surgery and much better.  It is a long process a process that is hard both physically and emotionally. Total recovery is up to a year and a half at which point you should be feeling much better than you did prior the surgery.  It is a long journey but not as long as a life time of living in debilitating pain. It is a journey that you need lots of help with.  I have been lucky enough to have my wonderful family rally together and help me but more importantly help my children.
Before I sign off for the night.  I want to let you know how VERY hard this is mentally.  You will not be able to do much.  You must depend on others for the simplest of things and the hardest and all that lies in between.  It is not only hard on you but the loved ones around you.  They take on so much for you physically and mentally.  Giving up their own lives to help you with yours.  I will write more next time about this subject because I cannot stress enough that you need to prepare yourself prior to the surgery for the mental strength you will need afterwards.

Good Night,
Reba

Go to Bed, NOW!

To be completely honest with myself I am not resting enough.  In order for my body to heal I need to get the right amounts of sleep and rest so new healthy cells can form and my body can begin to mend itself and new bone can form.

There are a few reasons I am not getting enough z’s.  One: my pain meds have a side effect of keeping me awake.  Two: I am not laying down when I know I should.  When my body says “Hey, I am tired lets go lay down for a bit”, I must admit I ignore it.  I want to keep doing things or stay close to the kids just to watch them discover or listen to their funny stories.  Three: Sometimes I want to go get some unnecessary errands done.  Four: I want to visit with the company that has come to help and feel guilty as I watch them clean my house. (Thank you!!!!!)

The thing is before my surgery I was always able to just keep pushing myself, it was a way of life.  So I need to make a new way of life, which is always hard to do.

As for how I am doing as far as healing - I think pretty good.  I am not in as much pain, as long as I stay on top of the meds.  I am a thousand times better than last week.  I am able to move myself around my bed without all the moaning and wincing.  The headaches are totally gone.  I still wake in the middle of the night a few times in major pain and need to take my pain and sleeping meds. 

I want to make a full recovery and that is why I am being honest with myself about the resting part.  I am going to schedule rest time just like I schedule my walks.  I only have this one chance to heal and I need it to work.  So those of you in charge keep yelling at me to get in bed!!!

You look Human!

Today I had my first official post op appointment with my doctor.  He said and I quote 

“You look human!”.  He was very happy with my progress so far and apologized that I had to suffer so much in the beginning.  He wants me to continue my walks and he wants me to continue to take care of myself and let others care for me.

My mother and husband were concerned that I was doing too much. Of course my mom brought that up to the doctor.  He said in a way they were right and in a way I was.  My husband and mom thought I should be taking my 3 walks a day and spending the rest in bed.  I take my 3 walks a day but do not spend the rest of the day in bed.  I spend some time in the bed but I mosey around the house and yard watching my little angels play and discover.  I do some school with them and steal hugs and kisses left and right! And maybe I boss my husband around a little too much...it is hard just being able to watch! ....I am sorry!

Doc said I need to find a happy medium between the two. That I did just have spinal fusion 13 days ago and I need to spend a little less time on my feet but by no means need to be in bed the whole day.  So that is what I will do!  Today my sister-in-law came and played with the kids and I did spend quite a bit of time sleeping!  I was up and about too much yesterday and my body was telling me to take it easy I didn’t listen yesterday, but today I did.  My body said “hey, go lay down I am tired and I need rest to heal.”  So I put my head to my pillow and my little hearts in the hands of my sis-in -law and got some good rest.

The Hospital

The morning we left I was calmer than I thought I would be.  We finished packing I took my shower with my special soap and headed out the door after a million and one kisses between my daughter and myself!  Kissed my mom and headed out.

When we arrived the nerves set in.  There was nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room testing this and that.  Then I was put in my gown and rolled to the “waiting area.”  When my doctor arrived we said our hellos went over a few things and the anesthesiologist gave me my IV.  I had tears in my eyes and kissed my husband goodbye.  Then just like that I woke up in the recovery room.  I was crying in pain while they flipped me all over the bed doing x-rays.  It was scary because I woke up to what felt like chaos or the specimen of an alien experiment.

I was then rolled up into my room where my husband was fast asleep waiting for me.  I don’t think he was too nervous as he was so out of it he didn’t even wake up when the nurses and doctors rolled me in!  One nurse said “wow we didn’t even put him out!”  That’s my man...he is an excellent sleeper.

The whole hospital stay is somewhat a blur.  I was heavily medicated and in and out of consciousness quite a bit.  The first night was nothing short of hell.  The pain meds they had me on were not lasting long enough and they were unwilling to give me more in fear they would kill me.  At one point I was crying and trembling in pain holding on to the side of the bed asking them to please give me anything even if it did kill me.  The pain was beyond painful, beyond words that could describe it.  In the morning my doctor came in my room, where I was lying in tears and jerking in pain he looked at me and said “this is not right we cannot let her be this way.”  He ordered something stronger than morphine, I can’t remember what its name is, they put it in my IV and relief came.  It left quickly and so began the game of trying to keep me from falling to the lowest lows of pain.  It was a game that went on almost the whole time I was there.  I gave birth to my children without the use of pain medication and I  thought that was the worst pain I had and would ever be through.  Giving birth was cake compared to this.

On the plus side my family and friends came and visited 24 hours a day and cared for me through all the ruff patches.  I had nurses that were just amazing.  My OT was wonderful and so was my PT.  Everyone was great and everyone was trying their damnedest to help me get better.  My doctor apologized for the trouble I had and the pain I was in but how could he have foreseen that.  He eventually got my pain under control and relieved me of my headaches. Now I am healing!!!!!!! Healing not just taking meds to cover the pain.  I am on meds to help with the pain as I heal and that is is huge difference!

I am Back!

It is me! First I want to say thank you to my beautiful mom for keeping up with this blog for me, but mostly for all that she has done for me and my family in the last two weeks.  

She has been quite amazing!  This has been far from easy for anyone involved and she has done above and beyond what a person is capable of doing.  My mom is there for me every step of the way caring for me 24 hours a day and more.  She is my hero and I am the luckiest and proudest person because I am able to call her my mom.  This will be a short stop in blogland because as you may have read I only gained my reading/writing skills back yesterday and with all the pills and discomfort I am still struggling right now.  

I didn’t have a single headache yesterday.  My improvement is nothing less than amazing.  I am stronger, more alert and slowly gaining my health back.

I am more than excited and happy for today I will return home to my husband and children.  I have visited with them everyday and even had my daughter for a sleep over! It has been so hard on them and they have been such troopers I am so proud of my little people.  But today is the day moms coming home!! (My mom is coming too of course!)  Thanks to everyone who has been there for me and my family we love and appreciate all that you have done and realize it is only the beginning!

The Trimmings!

 My brother-in-law painted my boring white brace a fiery mix of oranges...  

                                                 

 I  painted a phoenix on it!

then I added some spark

to her fire

With her wings wrapped tightly around me she will carry me out of the fire’s ashes while I listen to her sweet songs.  And when I am ready she will let go and I will fly freely.

My mom made me some walking sticks, they are so marvelous I actually can't wait to use them!

So bring on the fusion.  I am going to have the coolest trimmings in this town.

I thought it would be sweet to get a phoenix tattoo over or around my scar when it is all said and done.  I love what she symbolize and all of her legends. I also thought it would be funny to have a phoenix rising from the fire out of my ass.....

Who's Playing with the Panic Button?

Last week I was at peace with the decision to have surgery.  I was almost eager to get it done and be on my way to better.  I was comfortable with the plans for my family during the recovery and looking forward to some rest.  Then on Monday I opened an email from my lovely sister-in-law asking what time we needed her to watch the kids next week.  When I read “next week” I stopped breathing.  It made what was abstract into reality.  I couldn’t breathe or see straight.   I went outside and tried to collect myself. When I came in the house my husband asked if I was OK.  I started to cry and could not stop.  I really worried my little girl but I couldn’t stop.  I just kept hugging her and my son trying to not cry.  My husband told me everything is going to be OK even if we had to go right now, it would be fine everyone would be fine.  
Once I caught my breath I called my mom and she helped calm me down.  It wasn’t so much the surgery I was upset about.  It was my kids, it was everything - I am not sure I can put into words really what it was.  It was a meltdown. 
Then a few hours later I got another email from a wonderful person I met on Facebook who is about 5 weeks post op from a 3 level spinal fusion.  She said she is doing great. Her recovery has been great she feels better than she has in years!  I could feel her excitement, her joy of having her life back.  I could breathe again.  Just like that I was at peace with it as much as one could be.  

My mom said she was waiting for my breakdown and she will be here for the next one.  I have been working on getting all my ducks in a row for this surgery so I am busy busy and haven’t had time for one today! My next “to-do” is to finish my brace.  My awesome brother-in-law painted it a fiery mix of oranges and I am in the process of painting a phoenix on it...goal is to finish it tomorrow.