Good Night

Becky it's only the second night after surgery and even tho you don't realize it you have made some progress. Last night you slept in two hour intervals, an improvement over the 20 to 30 minute naps prior. We even took a walk in the wee hours of the night all the way to the nurses station and back. Best of all you went 4 hours without pain medication from 3am to 7am. Then at 7 you took the pills rather than the I V. Breakfast just arrived. I hope you eat something!

Wednesday Evening

I got to hospital around 3. Becky's Grandma was here sitting by her side. Becky's dad made a short visit. Theresa arrived around 6. It took the two of us and the nurses to take care of Becky this evening. Huge accomplishments, walking (with aid of walker), very short distance. bathroom visits, and brief (5 min.) of sitting in chair. All with the aide of oxycoden, oxycotton, valium, dyazapam, & delugted (sp?). The last one is the IV and the one that really helps her. She has been sleeping now for 30 minutes with 7 pillows strategically placed around and under her. God let this nightmare be over soon.

Surgery

Becky's surgery went well. It took just over 2 and 1/2 hours, shorter than we thought it would but longer than the surgeon thought it would. She was in her room by 1pm. Becky had a horrible day in pain. When I arrived I was surprised that she was talking non stop. Very edgy, very much in pain, definitely drugged up. I expected to see her drugged up and dozing off, sleeping, groggy etc. Just the opposite! Becky had an extremely painful night. Everyone is trying to get her calmed down.

the day after

Becky is not managing her pain. 3 reasons, one...not eating AT ALL, two.....she's been on so much pain medication prior to the surgery that she has built up a bit of a tolerance to the meds, and three....stress. Stress is the big one. She's been getting by on 3 to 4 hours of sleep for weeks prior to surgery, drinking buckets of coffee, and the anxiety of the surgery itself along with stress of life in general with a one year old, a two year old and a husband that works 12 hours a day. The nurses have been trying to calm her, trying different relaxation therapies. I brought her a calming cd to listen to, etc. Nothings working. I think she just wants her husband and her two little ones by her side.

the big day

Good morning, this is Becky's mom. After 4 cups of coffee and the little ones sound asleep and Derek off to school I can sit down and write. It's a rainy windy day, I say a perfect day for a surgery! Becky was in a good positive mood this morning. Rosalie was up to spend some time with her already when I got here around 4:30 am. I think leaving the kiddos is harder for Becky than the thought of the surgery. Brace and suitcase in hand, Becky and Shawn pulled out of the driveway around 5:15 am just alittle behind schedule. Becky called me many times on the way to the hospital going over last minute things that she felt she needed to get off her mind. At 7:35 Shawn called to say they were just separated and Bec was on her way into surgery. He said she was nervous, hmm I wonder why! Well I am writing alot of this for Becky so she can read and reflect and know just what was going on while she was "out". I took a picture of her heading out the door this morning but am not quite sure how to post it. Perhaps I'll brave it alittle later. So for now I'm off to get a tissue, I can't believe after all the anticipation, the big day is finally here! The day Becky can start her healing journey. God bless you Becky. I love you mega much.

The Trimmings!

 My brother-in-law painted my boring white brace a fiery mix of oranges...  

                                                 

 I  painted a phoenix on it!

then I added some spark

to her fire

With her wings wrapped tightly around me she will carry me out of the fire’s ashes while I listen to her sweet songs.  And when I am ready she will let go and I will fly freely.

My mom made me some walking sticks, they are so marvelous I actually can't wait to use them!

So bring on the fusion.  I am going to have the coolest trimmings in this town.

I thought it would be sweet to get a phoenix tattoo over or around my scar when it is all said and done.  I love what she symbolize and all of her legends. I also thought it would be funny to have a phoenix rising from the fire out of my ass.....

Who's Playing with the Panic Button?

Last week I was at peace with the decision to have surgery.  I was almost eager to get it done and be on my way to better.  I was comfortable with the plans for my family during the recovery and looking forward to some rest.  Then on Monday I opened an email from my lovely sister-in-law asking what time we needed her to watch the kids next week.  When I read “next week” I stopped breathing.  It made what was abstract into reality.  I couldn’t breathe or see straight.   I went outside and tried to collect myself. When I came in the house my husband asked if I was OK.  I started to cry and could not stop.  I really worried my little girl but I couldn’t stop.  I just kept hugging her and my son trying to not cry.  My husband told me everything is going to be OK even if we had to go right now, it would be fine everyone would be fine.  
Once I caught my breath I called my mom and she helped calm me down.  It wasn’t so much the surgery I was upset about.  It was my kids, it was everything - I am not sure I can put into words really what it was.  It was a meltdown. 
Then a few hours later I got another email from a wonderful person I met on Facebook who is about 5 weeks post op from a 3 level spinal fusion.  She said she is doing great. Her recovery has been great she feels better than she has in years!  I could feel her excitement, her joy of having her life back.  I could breathe again.  Just like that I was at peace with it as much as one could be.  

My mom said she was waiting for my breakdown and she will be here for the next one.  I have been working on getting all my ducks in a row for this surgery so I am busy busy and haven’t had time for one today! My next “to-do” is to finish my brace.  My awesome brother-in-law painted it a fiery mix of oranges and I am in the process of painting a phoenix on it...goal is to finish it tomorrow.